When my roommate Stella Cloud came down with a brutal case of the hornies, the 48-hour affliction that turns people into insatiably horny creatures, I knew I had to handle it. She'd been sweating it out in her room for a day, but I had to get out of the house. Following official protocol, I geared up in full PPE and brought a buddy with a camera to document any encounter. We found her on the couch, a tangled mess of hair and glistening skin, grinding against a pillow with sheer desperation.

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